what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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