I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I CAN MOONWALK!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
