It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
