He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
