So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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