the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
