My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
