i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
