i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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