I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
