From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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