i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
