I want to make a zoo with you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
