I think I died a long time ago.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
