guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
