...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
