I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
