hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
