the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Vodka?
Forever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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