The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
