I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
