it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
