Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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