Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
