he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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