I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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