Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
