Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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