She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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