I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
