I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
