just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
