who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
