You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did i walk over a car last night?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
