it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
