Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
