are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
