Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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