Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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