i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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