Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
