I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
