did you get engaged???
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
