In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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