Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize