I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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