So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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