Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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