Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
