my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
