Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
