Yo dont text me then not text me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
