You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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