where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
