I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You need a sexual gate keeper
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
