My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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