Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
