She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
