The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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