ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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