i just google imaged poop.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
