I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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