don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
