Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
