dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
