whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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