Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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