i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
