Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
