Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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