Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
